four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
