How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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