Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
