I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to have your abortion
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
