very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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