If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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