No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize