haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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