My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
