I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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