I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
