There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
