Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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