shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
