that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your cock deserves a montage
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
