Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize