He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
