If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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