I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
