What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
zippers are such a cool invention
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
