These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
