i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
