I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
