I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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