my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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