After last night, I could never be a politician.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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