Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
