The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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