We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
two words...techno handjob
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
