It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
