she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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