hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
