A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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