Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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