Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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