Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Be still, my beating vagina.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
