Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
