Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
