Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my being single is dangerous.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
