Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
