It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
