Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize