If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
