Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I faked an abortion last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
