help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
