Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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