garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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