Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
