i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize