I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
