my sisters under your porch take her home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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