Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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