so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
