dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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