So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
