My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
