My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
