they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
