What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
