You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
