I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize