they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
