I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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