my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
