so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
