what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
