I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
