Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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