I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
