its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
