Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
