Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
