it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
