i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
