a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just cropdusted the office
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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