Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
