I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
