What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
