I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
