I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
