im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
