Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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