There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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