I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
