i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
