We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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