I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize