Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
