the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize