im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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