addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
