Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
