If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
