I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
