whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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