so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
