im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
